February 2012
mikekarnell replied to your post: Do you drink alot? Or is it just part of your writing persona? If so is it hard liquor? What kind? Or do you go half and half with drugs and alcohol?
Can I call you “Half and Half” as a nickname now?
I would prefer it.
Anonymous asked: Do you drink alot? Or is it just part of your writing persona? If so is it hard liquor? What kind? Or do you go half and half with drugs and alcohol?
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My son and I saw a movie today.
Son: I just...I don't know...I didn't, get it? I guess.
Me: Yeah. That was bullshit.
Son: What happened?
Me: Well, I thought it'd be fun-
Son: No, I mean, what happened before? What brought us here?
Me: Do you remember that movie about the caterers that was on TV the other day?
Son: Um...
Me: They're like, bad caterers.
Son: Oh yeah, yeah. Party Dumb.
Me: Down.
Son:
Me: No, son, get up. It's called Party Down.
Son: Oh.
Me: Brush yourself off.
Son: Anyhoo.
Me: We used to have a bunch of really good television shows on. But then they all got cancelled.
Son: Why?
Me: Money and old white people.
Son: What do old white people have to do with it?
Me: Oh lots! You see, old white people have stupid, stupid ideas.
Son: Like when you ate four vicodin and chased it with a bottle of moscato?
Me: That's not a bad idea, that's called Valentine's Day and you can thank your skank mother for that.
Son: So what kind of bad ideas?
Me: Oh you know, like sassy, fat black security guards, crotch shots, flash mobs, Whitney Cummings...
Son: I think I'm getting it now.
Me: Right, so, these old white people didn't care about things like 'talent' or 'character driven' storytelling or pretty much anything that took time and thought and wasn't done thirteen million times already. But we did. And when those things were destroyed we yearned for them with the strength of ten thousand blogs.
Son: What are blogs?
Me: They're nonsense. Nonsense I say!
Son: You're being weird again, Dad.
Me: Don't call me that.
Son: Sorry.
Me: So then they made movies of those shows. Because the clamoring minorities demanded it and they wanted our dollars again.
Son: OK, I think I'm following along. So Arrested Development, Party Down, The Wire Trilogy, those were all pretty cool. But that doesn't explain that bullcrap we just walked out of.
Me: I'm getting to it.
Son: OK.
Me: In the wake of those cancellations we all started acting like the true idiots we really are and had to fill that void with popcorn nothingness.
Son: Like what?
Me: Did you see that weird sketch about 'guidos' on SNL last weekend?
Son: I don't watch SNL anymore. It's not funny anymore.
Me: You're warming my heart.
Son: But I know what you're talking about. Jersey Shore, right?
Me: Yeah, yeah. A bunch of bullcrap like that. When I was 24 I spent well over sixteen hours watching The Bachelor. The Bachelor!
Son: Yeesh.
Me: I know, I know. It was really bad.
Son: Well, I mean, what's so bad about watching fluffy stuff? Sometimes it's fun.
Me: You're right. But what happened was this: everyone started tricking themselves into believing there was some sociological angle they were viewing it with and taking themselves seriously about it and writing pieces about Real Housewives for Thought Catalog.
Son: I think I know where this is going.
Me: You do! Because you're smart like your old man. And handsome to boot!
Son: Well, I'm handsome, you're, um...
Me: Distinguished?
Son: Present.
Me: Good enough.
Son: So that rotted asshole of a movie we just saw used to be a show?
Me: Yeah. A show about real teen mothers. Really insane teen hick mothers. And people, o!, how they loved it.
Son: Can I have some of that?
Me: Um, sure, but don't switch to hard liquor until you're fourteen.
Son: Thanks.
Me: Well, what do you want to do now?
Son: Wanna sneak into that Elle Fanning movie?
Me: I thought you'd never ask.
Son: I love you.
Me: I love you, too.
Hot Snakes, LAX
Turn it up and kick it out.
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Anonymous asked: Hey, What are your aspirations? Like what do you want to be? Do you consider yourself to be like at a time when you and your peers are at a point in your life for maximum creativity? I mean do you ever think that twenty or thirty years down the road you'll be at some award something or other like giving Marissa A. Ross a lifetime achievement award or visa versa and talking about being...
saraliz:
Neko Case - In California
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What Day Did The Music Really Die? An...
Here is some evidence I have collected over the past ten minutes to finally figure out that fateful day Don McLean’s been singing about for an endless 8 minutes.
According to Wikipedia on February 3rd, 1959, Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper, and Ritchie Valens died in a helicopter accident near Clear Lake, Iowa.
According to a calendar, February 3rd, 1959, was in fact, a day. Did the...
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Deerhunter, Twilight At Carbon Lake
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Cuby Papa (Tony) helped me out with this...
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LA Weekly crowns Highland Park the new 'it'... →
Come back!
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stephaniemelissakimberly:
Sometimes I lie on my...
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Anonymous asked: How old are you?
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House of Kweller
Me: What is your plan for right now?
Tony: Duke City.
Me: Me too. But post-Duke, all I want to do is listen to Sha Sha.
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Stephanie Melissa Kimberly →
“Tonight’s the night. I can’t be a virgin forever.”