June 2009
Disclaimer
gunstreetgirl:
boggle:
The next person on my dashboard that reblogs “fuckyeahskinnybitch” is getting unfollowed, regardless of how much I like you. (Also applies to subsequent rebloggers)
I can not continue to endorse this kind of seriously fucked-up shit.
Just an FYI.
Yesss. I’m so fucking sick of it. It’s only perpetuating these disgusting “ideals” that society shoves down women’s...
We don’t like to sit around at home. Called up your cellular telephone.
Invited you to a backyard baseball game. We’re all adults but still we live the same.
And now that I’ve grown up I can’t believe my eyes at all I can’t believe the things I’ve seen. I’m crazy, crazy, but I’m still a kid. I learned to read from baseball cards, magazines, and...
What are you doing with your life? You know those...
May 2009
I wrote a rock anthem in the shower
It’s called THUNDER DICK. It’s actually more of a rock ballad. It’s good. Then I comprised versions for pop, country, and metal. I wish I could record it. Afterwards I worked on the ‘Sir, your horse is sitting on my wife’ sketch.
“(325) Sup?”
– New website idea: Texts From Girls Trying To Get Banged
No? It’s a baked idea.
(via lieslieslies) Wait, is this how chicks aren’t supposed to get banged? I’d much rather throw out “Sup? I’m lonely and horny and you’re one of those people I know who will be up and have a big dick.” text. (via...
Nice one, ma.
My mom just ordered my sister and I two PANORMOUS pizzas. She lives in Colorado.
“(325) Sup?”
– New website idea: Texts From Girls Trying To Get Banged
No? It’s a baked idea.
Spliff out.
“You know, these teenagers are having a lot of oral sex right now.”
– My Grandma. She failed to mention where this is happening though.
Do you ever go through an intersection and then...
“I’ve got a bad case of noise-maker blues.”
– The Hold Steady
I Had A Thought, But Then I Lost It
tesslynch:
A few nights ago I thought I was a genius because I came up with an idea for a buddy film in which two roommates both refuse to buy toilet paper, and this starts a war between them.
So when people tell you smoking pot is without negative side effects, you can tell them this, and they will understand that they were wrong.
I love you, TL. Do you mind if I call you TL? Good.
So many...
Okkervil River, Kansas City
More on the Midwest
I lived there for a year and then visited for about 3 consecutive summers. Everyone in CA sees my Kansas license plate, where I bought my car, and thinks I’m a Kansan and then proceeds to discount any ‘cool’ stories I have from there because to them it’s just a bumfuck nowhere state.
Wrong! I’ve met some of the most talented people there, some of the most...
hey hanson siblings.
ionically:
gang bang tonight, so bring your butts and your friends and you will be reading this exact same thing in a text within a minute or two.
Don’t fucking text me. I don’t care. Will I be at your retarded party tonight? Yeah, probably. Because I have nothing better to do. Is that model from last night going to meet us there? Maybe.
Romance
A: I can't believe Diana didn't even give me a blow-job. I've put in so much fucking leg work.
J: What?! Most girls would rather put out before they give out a blow-job.
A: Whatever. That's bullshit.
J: Well, she should have a least given you a hand-job.
“WE ARE GOING TO KILL THAT FAGGOT!”
– Some asshole 11 year old in the pool.
MIDWESTERN CHICKS ROCK
BUT, SO DO ALL OTHER WOMEN, SO, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.
Let's get this party started right.
Prediction
tesslynch:
The people you are friends with on facebook, but who are not your friends, will later be the characters who populate your novels.
Johnny Foreigner, Salt, Pepper, and Spinderella
...
Oh no. I think you might be weird.
“I don’t have time for bullshit.”
– Sure. I’ve got all the time for bullshit.
Guest lists
on Facebook are hard to make without just making a list of people you’d like to sleep with at your party. Unless it’s a sex party.
Daft Punk is playing at my apartment.
Tomorrow night. Not really. But there may be some DP on the speakers at some point.
“When I think of you I think of Shredder.
And then I think of Teenage Mutant...”
– A love poem I wrote for someone. (Her dog was named Shredder, ok?!)
I've got ideas that no one has even dreamed yet.
Gina, HERO SQUAD assemble?, I have new records and...
BOAT, Topps
This song is great!
I need more money 'cause I need more drugs.
Undeclared
Getting a huge talent boner and questioning my sexuality when it comes to Charlie Hunnam and then also falling in love with Jay Baruchel in a hetero way.
SLEEP DON’T DRINK NO BEER!
ROCK OVER LONDON! ROCK ON CHICAGO!
Do any of you fuckers have that GIF of the world...
You guys, my sister rules and I love her.
Sometimes I just want to remind her, yadda yadda. Back to blogging about an exaggerated version of myself!
PS- I’m gonna pick up and we’re having an Undeclared marathon and a read through of the latest Briarwood draft so if you want to come over feel free!
Newsflash: YOU'RE A COCK!
girlinport:
If you tell a girl you love her. If you wait until she’s far away to care. If you forget her once she’s out of sight. If you pull her back in. If you tell her you want to travel across half the country to visit her. If you let facebook notify her that you have a new girlfriend…
Some pieces of shit will always be pieces of shit. This guy is a piece of shit and the worst part is that...