July 2009
You drive me insane.
June 2009
When I was young
I can’t remember the age but it must have been around 8 or 9 because I think it was in Colorado and my mom hadn’t dipped out yet. Anyway, I had to go to a short summer camp for the Lord or some bullshit. I remember the waterslide that went down a mountain being the raddest thing ever. I think I crushed on a couple girls, too.
But the most vivid memory is one night, 8 boys or so in a...
Play by play
Her: Do you want to do a trade?
T: No I need the cash, sorry.
H: So theres nothing you want to trade from me?
Me: She wants your body!
Me: She's crazy!
T: Is this really happening?
Me: This can't be happening.
Me: This is not your life.
Me: And the days go by.
T: Do I say?
Me: Just quote Talking Heads.
T: Should I just say:
Me: PSYCHO KILLER!
T: Are you offering me sexual favors?
Me: Say it.
Me: Oh please say that.
T: OK, I did.
T: That may have blown the sale.
---
edited for banality
Tony is trying to sell his Rickenbacker on CL and...
“But on the days and nights its hard to breathe
and you can’t believe you...”
– Ted Leo
Think About Life (feat. Subtitle), What The Future...
I want to get bagels with you and climb trees and...
sade:
(via lieslieslies)
Gay.
And after the Lifetime movie of the week is over I want to put my hand down your pants while we make out and you’ll move my hand and then I’ll wait for a couple minutes and try again and this time you’ll let me and I want to take your pants off now and put my genitals inside of your genitals until you make weird noises and stain my sheets and...
I want to get bagels with you and climb trees and...
Lenny: You ever wanna get fucked, let me know.
Patrick: (pistol whips Lenny) How's that, motherfucker? Now you know. Keep your fuckin' mouths closed. What? You wanna say some shit, Fat Dave?
Big Dave: Fuck you!
Patrick: Fuck you! Make me a martini you fuckin' fat bastard.
Big Dave: Get the fuck out.
Patrick: Make me a fuckin' martini you fat fuckin' retard!
I was like
Good gracious. Ass is bodacious. Made my dick do some true Billy Mays shit.
I'm a big dumb stupid idiot.
Don’t let anyone dupe you into thinking otherwise.
In Venice area
to meet with an actress for about 10 minutes. Had to drive all the way here for a very short meeting, don’t want to waste the trip. Anyone in the area hit me up and let’s choreograph a dance or something. 714 488 8074.
Kisses and Scrotums,
Alan
motherfucker
I will float until I learn how to swim/
spitintheocean:
-Neutral Milk Hotel.
I will
“Yo you comin over tonight with your swag crew?”
– I don’t exactly know what this means but I love Doug for sending it to me.
The internet is a cold, dark place: A fact sheet.
Jeff G. = not dead.
Prince = probably soon. Needs a double hip replacement and is a Jehova’s Witness (so he can’t properly accept the medical help he needs. Prepare tribute posts now).
Barbara Walters = contrary to popular belief, is a robot.
Tupac = is a belief system, not a question of ‘alive or dead’.
Bon Jovi = Wanted: Dead or Alive (this is relevant)
My dick =...
Pretentious Things
auberginejean:
2009 Edition
Philosophy majors, clove cigarette smokers, vegans, armchair anarchists, Proust scholars, Chomksy groupies, graduate students, people with NPR tote bags, record store employees, prog rock fans, people who only write on Moleskine notebooks, tweed wearers, anyone who owns Klimt art, people who constantly talk about moving to Barcelona, tea drinkers, anyone who claims...
Oh, darn.
My acting teacher declined the audition. I kind of had a crush on her, too. She probably figured out that I’m the director and had a reaction similar to, ‘Him? I’m not auditioning for that immature talent-less fuck. Next!’
“She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson. Got a dark skinned...”
– I’m done. I hope there’s no memorial tomorrow or anything to fuck up my shit in LA.
Role Reversal
My acting teacher from a year and a half ago is coming in on Friday to audition for my show. This is going to be so weird. I don’t know if I can handle sitting in a seat before her and giving her ‘direction’. I also don’t know if she’ll be able to take me seriously. I wonder if I should call her before because I doubt she remembered my name if she saw it on the...
Hop on the track like Raymo and Spit.
CL:MC Reggae Lover →
Fuck you guys. I call dibs.
barelysarcasm
You weren’t at Vacation Records last night were you? I thought I saw you or someone who looked very similar. I stared at this person trying to figure it out and then he looked right at me for a bit. So either it was you and you a) didn’t recognize me/were’nt sure, b) you’re a dick and didn’t want to say hi or it wasn’t you and now someone thinks I was checking...
HAGS
Now that it’s that time of year I just want to remind everyone, not that I don’t do it enough, to skateboard to eternity with two babes and also
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER.
Spiral Stairs, Maltese Terrier
I want to see you take the jackpot out the fruit...
And you can pour your heart out ‘round 3 o’clock when the 2-for-1s undo your writer’s block.