August 2009
Immigration
Chace: She also told me she'd rather have Canadians crossing the border illegally than Mexicans.
Mel: This is a dumb idea because we can't make tacos worth shit.
Honesty
Me: Hey what are you up to tonight?
(Me): I'm interested in having sex with you given the right circumstances this evening.
BowlingAlleyLawyer →
unfollowfriday:
Let this be a lesson children, Google cache never forgets. BAL posted this doozy and subsequently deleted it. The “worst of the worst crap of humanity” she refers to are the people she called “friends” for years. Follow those former friends and you’ll quickly realize that BAL needs psychiatric help. What you’ll quickly realize once you tune in to the BAL show is that she’s...
Sean: I feel like you have a drinking problem.
Me: Who said that?
Sean: Me. Just now. (Hands me a glass of gin)
Kristin Cavallari, stop trying to make you happen.
(via sade)
Fucking cunt.
July 2009
Farley and I. We holdin Steady.
Eggers has written about times like this, modern...
Me: You remember Madison Kennedy?
Drew: Haha, yeah I remember him. He bought oregano in Prague.
Me: Yeah! Ha, and still tried to smoke/eat it.
Drew: Ha.
Me: Well, not to bum you out or anything but he died.
Drew: What? For real? Damn. How?
Me: I don't know. Haven't talked to him since Germany. I saw on his facebook some comments and then googled and found an obituary but it didn't say how.
Drew: Shit's crazy.
“YOU’RE GONNA PUNCH BATMAN?!”
– Shawn
“Woke up at 3 A.M. with the radio on, that Gladys Knight and the Pips song...”
– Ice of Boston
Pulp, Common People
You’ll never watch your...
Being single can be boring, sometimes you gotta... →
My dream girl is a mix between Sloane from Ferris...
And some Keri Russell for good measure.
Why Driving A Shitty Car Sucks
Aside from the obvious reasons (that, you know, it’s shitty and doesn’t always work) driving a piece of shit around town is one of the most depressing and aggravating things in my life. Because it makes any other fucktard task you have to do that much worse.
So the day starts and I’m already pissed off and in a depression. Well, now I have to mail a check which bothers me even...
I just got back from job hunting and now I want a bullet to race through my head. Someone help. Give me job.
When you were available I was drinking Colt 45s...
Ideas for $
Donate plasma
Donate sperm (Being a smoker, drug user, and heavy drinker probably doesn’t help this one)
Male prostitute (Skill in bed will put me in a higher bracket, however, probably have to fuck dudes first)
Rob bank (apparently the chances of getting away with it the first time are pretty good)
Conman (I think I can pull this off)
Sell a script (Ha!)
Get off my ass and go fill...
“I can do what you do, easy, believe me.
Frontin’ niggas give me...”
– Seriously, I can do what you do, easy. Believe me.
Pavement, Gold Soundz
Working on a new poem
Esteem
Second best. A phrase heard all too often. Second string. Second fiddle. Second to one. Ed Westwick. Looks like a fat, Misty 100 smoking, divorced dad with bad tattoos. I fucking rule.
“Yes, babe, of course you have more fans than Prussian Blue.”
Will Sheff, Ex-Girl Collection (The Wrens cover)
No, but it's cool, man, we're goin' to the moon.
I have this constant struggle....
mikeypizzle:
Between being the douche and the good guy.
Humanity.
Liar for hire.
Hey there Honest Henry! The truth got you down? Well, you’re in luck! For reasonable and negotiable prices you won’t have to worry about staying on the up and up. Just call me, throw some green at me, and I’ll be lying all over town for you in no time! You may ask yourself, “When would I ever need this service?” Well here’s just a fraction of examples:
Is your...