February 2010
1 tag
January 2010
“We made boner sex all day!”
– Marshall, Dorm Life. (via wipethatfaceoffyourhead)
whydoihaveablog asked: How does one deal with the shame of vomiting into a Target bag in the back of a Honda? Was it in bad form to politely and meekly state through almost-tears that "I got sick in the bag you gave me to get sick into and I'm just really, really sorry I got sick in this bag you gave me"? Can I chalk this up to "typical college experience" or is it just messy and immature? I did...
Advice column; vice support. →
“Your final essay for AmSt 395 was one of the best in the class and it deserves a...”
– My last AmSt professor must take as many drugs as I do.
Essay in question.
“Who told you I was real?”
1 tag
For the millionth time
I feel evil creepinnnnnnn innnnnnnnn creeeepiiinnnnn iinnnnnnnn….. well, I feel like I’m going insane. As always. And another insane thing about that is sometimes it feels good. I wish this made sense to you. I know it’s difficult following this nonsense. Why are you still here?
“Look, you have to straighten up and fly right tonight. The name of the game is...”
– I always have to tell Preston how to act when we hang out.
“Tell her to come over here and give some Rusty Trombones to a couple of class...”
– You know when you’re in that state of almost still drunk/almost hungover, a delirium sets in, a delirium of comedy. Well, for those involved at least.
Sorry.
+Adult
Me: Did you sleep with her in front of Preston so he could watch?
S: No, we had to go in the bathroom. I did it on the counter.
Me: Haha!
S: I came all over Preston's toothbrush.
Me: Ha.
S: Then I brushed my teeth with it.
Me: Why would you do that?
S: So it had my spit on it, too!
Me: I feel like in pranking Preston you just ate your own cum.
S: Oh...yeah...
“Anyway, last night was the first time I ever had to really use a...”
– MODERN LUV
Me: Sean this is the gayest thing you have ever done!
Sean: Whaaaaat?
Me: Look at your body!
Sean: How is this gay?
Me: LOOK AT YOUR BODY-FORM!
Sean just came
out of the closet to me. I’m the first one to know! I feel like a bridesmaid! Wait… Anyway, good job Sean.
brynnherman:
Be Your Own Pet- Zombie Graveyard...
“I tearfully texted Alan something like this a few months ago. I asked “if...”
– Real talk, Molle.
caetiecakes asked: hey jerkoff. today on my way home, some drunk dude was on my bus yelling that he was daniel faraday. i'm pretty sure he was high too. it made me think of you. how does it make you feel that a drunk, high, possibly homeless man yelling that he was daniel faraday reminds me of you?
devonmclaren:
The long wait at planned parenthood is almost worth it to see this older black woman yelling at the Steve Wilkos show playing on the tv. “Ah hell nah. Don’t listen to that lyin bastard! He cheated, he touched yo baby girl, dump his ass!”
AHHH SHITTT, DEVON GOT LAIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
Dear Retard,
If you would have gone to the DMV 3 hours ago like you had planned you’d be done by now.
Fucking idiot,
Alan
piratekitten asked: percocet + tylenol pm = weird shit. good, but weird.
Dismemberment Plan, I Love A Magician
Are you up late too? →
NARBONNE HIGH 4EVER
Anonymous asked: ideas for a costume party this weekend? can be any character from any movie or tv series ever made, and of course the abundance of choice makes me procrastinate/has me at a loss. female, btw (although that doesn't mean i haven't been considering male characters).
Anonymous asked: you seem like you would enjoy chatroulette.
Sometimes I get really bothered by how big Demi...
(via beatriceeyales)
Like, um, hot and bothered?
Me neither.
thiswontlastlong-deactivated201 asked: OMG this day went on forever. I am starting a new LONGER commute so I have to get up earlier and all that bullshit. Also, I went to Ralph's after work for like 5 things and every single Self-Service Checkout was being occupied by complete morons. I JUST WANTED TO BUY MY NESCAFE AND SHREDDED CHEESE.
Whatever. You don't even follow me. Dick.
Whatever. You don't even follow me. Dick.
carveher asked: Um. Ugh. UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
Just. UGH.
Onomatopoeia of frustration, mostly.
Just. UGH.
Onomatopoeia of frustration, mostly.
It's been a long day. What about you? →
Breaking/mounting tires is one of the most tiresome things I’ve ever done.
Growing up, just a little.
Today I rotated my tires with Eric, got the front end aligned, and had the Acura smogged (it passed, thankfully). Getting my hands dirty and accomplishing this many things before lunch felt great. I know so much more about cars now than I did a month ago. Productivity is amazing. But maybe only because it’s so sporadic in my life…