June 2010
May 2010
“She works at Red Robin? Get a fucking real life! Favorite movies: Where The Wild...”
– Tony vs. Facebook
LOL@mayor of Continental Room.
Mel discovers I was once a Harry Potter nerd.
(I had quills and parchment)
Mel: HAHAHA! What the fuck would you write with quills and parchment?
Me: Fucking spells and shit, idiot.
Mel: Acne-ridding and dick enlarging spells.
Me: They both worked.
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Listen
this is the song i sing when i go to the drug...
gonna buy drugs! suck my dick, johnny law! gonna buy some fucking drugs! gonna smoke all these drugs! suck my dick guy on the street! you don’t even have any drugs! what the fuck is this? some kind of red light?! suck it! degeneration x! they probably like drugs too! what’s up shawty on the street! I bet you want some of my drugs! yeah, right! these are mine! girls always want...
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It will be possible, after all, to die in obscurity, without having helped a soul: without love, despised, never trusted, never vindicated-
I’ve got a bad case of noise-maker blues.
Now she’s drunk on alcohol and smiles.
Places whose names he has never heard.
You’re as good as anyone. The right lighting and a little less distance.
You’re 32 and haven’t achieved...
“All these girls just want to fuck dudes with Lexus’.”
– Tony and I talk about this daily.
yelp
Me: Who writes lengthy reviews?!
Tony: "Had the pancakes, delish!" "Had the pancakes, not delish!".
Tony: I write that for every review. Bars...
“You show me the girl who says she wants to be friends and I’ll show you...”
– Billy Walsh sometimes speaks wisdom.
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“Now I’m off to some charity BS for knocked-up teenage sluts.”
– Mom
this will be difficult...
Me: Jessica, what if I told you I was seriously falling in love with you?
Jessica: Fuck you, man.
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“I know he masturbates in the toilet. I know that about him.”
– GABERIEALSJE MEE=EZ
Confessions
wipethatfaceoffyourhead:
Girl at bar: Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Tony: I’ve done a hand job to a girl in the ocean before.
“Man, I can’t wait till I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff.”
– PJF
disbelief
Me: Do you want to finish the beer in the fridge?
Sean: Uh...yeah.
Me: Well go get it, since I came up with that brilliant idea.
Sean: Fuck.
Sean: ...
Sean: I wish I had some rollerblades for this mission.
Me: That wouldn't help you!
Sean: That'd make it easier.
Me: The stairs!
Sean: What, you don't think I'm a pro?
Me: You think you can grind all the way to the kitchen?!
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Time Travel Is Real
Tumblr must have gone back in time through a wormhole to about two years ago because everyone is posting affirmations, meaningless ‘pretty’ images, and being the wrong kind of emotional.
Meatball: I need therapy.
Shake: I think what you need is to shut up! Or it’s gonna be hellweek all rolled up into one night all up in here!
Frylock: Shake, I got this, OK?
Shake: I’m serious. He’ll die tonight.
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Danny: Here's a fact: T-Rexes are scary.
Diane: That's subjective, Danny!
Danny: OH COME ON, DIANE! YOU GONNA SIT HERE AND TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T BE SCARED OF A FUCKING T-REX?!
i need a new phone
for tmobile, that’s not a piece of shit, for preferably less than 130 dollars. anyone?
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What would you say
is the face-type or the linking factor in 3 of my top ~**crushes**~: Christine Woods, Keri Russell, and Emily Deschanel?
“Plus I bet those dudes don’t have to use condoms! That’s pretty...”
– Talking about the aliens on Roswell.