September 2011
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August 2011
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3 tags
Those Darlins, Screws Get Loose
Fuckin’...
2 Ideas
Short story. Title: Bag of Nickels. He awoke and the dust had settled. His ears rang from the explosion like someone was shaking a bag of nickels inside his ear drum. Chunks of brick and metal peppered the ground as if someone had stuffed thirty sticks of dynamite into a plastic bag full of nickels. He struggled to his feet and found his revolver, the handle cold and hard like a frozen bag of...
Trudy: Have you been drinking?
Pete: The whole country is drinking.
When someone has a child and you tell them congratulations what are you really saying congratulations for? For getting pregnant? Doesn’t warrant it. 17 year olds do it all the time and they’re stupid as fuck. For not dying? That should be it. That should be the reason. Congratulations on not letting that little thing kill you. Otherwise, let’s just reserve the compliment for when...
Think About Life, Havin’ My Baby
Monday...
Friendship
Me: She should stay on her side of Cunt Island, though. Quick question: was her face fucked up? I'm pretending it was.
Mike: Her face looked like a 7 on the clydesdale scale.
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Buffet
Me: Were you in a frat in college?!
Mike B: Haha, no! They didn't have a fraternity for closeted gay guys at my school. Well, actually, they did. That was every frat. Shoulda pledged...
Watch
comfortindecayy asked: Do you do website design. I had feeling you did. i can't remember. Feel like a right twat asking this. But never know unless you ask.
saraliz asked: I just heard my fronch neighbors having sex. :(
This is a cringey post because I was just reminded of the time I saw a girl I quite liked wearing a Sam Cooke t-shirt and I stupidly asked, “Oh cool, you like Sam Cooke?” to which she replied “Um…yes” vocally but replied facially, “Why else would I be wearing the shirt, you fucking idiot?”
Got gaaaaaaammmmeeeeee, son!
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Working on new material, really cutting edge.
A: Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts, chump.
A: (kickflip)
suburbanmike replied to your audio post: Lou Reed, Perfect Day
i prefer this version of ‘perfect day’ - youtube.com/watch?v…
HOLY SHIT, DUDE. You’re so fucking right. This version is mega. I wonder which one will get the most RE-BLAAAWWGGSS.
Lou Reed, Perfect Day
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love story
Wrapped in soaked sheets, clawing our way through yet another Indian summer, pressing our skin to each other’s skin, as if we were trying to make copies of our pores, pushing inside one another, her legs trembling with each thrust, I nestled my mouth in the bay of her ear and whispered: tell me when to go.
amyhunt replied to your photo: Yr welcome, EVERYONE.
are you bleaching?
Haha no! I killed the moustache.
Anonymous asked: wasn't a bro that asked, but thanks :)
Anonymous asked: what is your favorite poem on unrequited love?
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Bloody by noon.
lookedlikelaughing:
Knives like gaunt hawks can swoop through and gut you at any moment, unexpectedly, the sunlight carrying surprise torture.
maybe i’m just sorry, see maybe i’m not even hanging by a thread but i am the thread and it dances in the wind and frays like a mad man.
i can twist but i can’t shake it and all these tiny steps left behind some moustachioed rake wept over oak senseless...
pa-thet-ic (adj.)
1. arousing pity, esp. through vulnerability or sadness; coping with memory stress by listening to loud music and playing Nintendo 64 and contemplating bourbon at noon. Fans of Sleigh Bells.
My housemate's mother stops by.
Her: Why does it smell funny in here?
Me: I was gettin' some head. Gettin, gettin' some head. I was wit da kinda girl that make yo toes pop.
Her: Really?
Me: No. Not really.
Quart of Orange Pineapple Banana Juice on the table: Which Dole flavor are YOU?
Me: I don't know.
QoOPBJott: Sensation Lemon Lime is "free spirited". Orange Strawberry Banana is "energetic". Orange Peach Mango is "daring". Sensation Watermelon is "funny". Pineapple is "independent". Orange Pineapple is "bold". Orange Pineapple Banana is "playful".
Me: Um, I'd say I'm a cross between Sensation Watermelon and Orange Strawberry Banana.
Centaur in the Corner: Wrong answer. ROUND TWO.
Tony is on vacation with his family (drunk).
Me (via text): Hope you're drunk enough for this- sometimes I see pictures of (redacted) on facebook and I'm like, hey, not so bad!
Tony: I XOULD NEVER BE DEUNK NOIGH FOR THAT MESS OF SHIT