Liar for hire.

Hey there Honest Henry! The truth got you down? Well, you’re in luck! For reasonable and negotiable prices you won’t have to worry about staying on the up and up. Just call me, throw some green at me, and I’ll be lying all over town for you in no time! You may ask yourself, “When would I ever need this service?” Well here’s just a fraction of examples:

• Is your girlfriend always complaining about how fat she is?
• Condolences at funerals!
• First Dates (the entire date!)
• “Do you have a condom?”
• I voted for Barack!
• Calling in ‘sick’
• Discussing ‘art’
• Telling a cop how many drinks you’ve had tonight

And, if you act now, I’ll throw in extra-special post-coitus package. I wait in your living room for you to finish making stains with your significant other. When the dirty deed is done I’ll swap places with you and tell them how great the sex was, how many times I came, and even stay for up to an hour to discuss all the emotional BS that may arise and even throw in a couple cuddle-lies.

What’s to lose?